I remember becoming a mother for the first time. It was years ago that Red was born, but I remember those first few minutes like they were yesterday. The nurse placed Red in my arms after an incredibly traumatic birth and emergency surgery, and I almost didn’t know what to do. I had been a babysitter, mother’s helper, preschool assistant and teacher, but never in charge of my own human. It was surreal. Okay, now I’m a mom. I’ve got to figure this out, and super quick. A little human is depending on me. Every minute of the first few days was a learning curve. I had previously researched the bananas out of every situation, so I made the most informed decisions I could. I learned what worked for Red, and what worked for me. I even learned what worked for Chase and how our new little family needed to operate.
What was the most amazing thing for me, was how quickly I learned Red’s tendencies and what worked for him. I understood his cries after a few days and learned how my body worked with him for feedings, despite our troubles and struggles with breastfeeding. But, there were constant barrages of articles, other mom’s stories and my personal “feels” that wracked my nerves. Was I making the right choices? What about what other moms were doing… was I not following along correctly? I’m not saying it was direct peer pressure I was feeling, but with all the “causes” and information out there it’s easy to feel like you’re not doing everything perfectly. And new moms need support. Was I doing okay, and learning, doing, experiencing everything a new mother does?
The one thing I still remember was my Mom saying how impressed she was with how right on my instincts were. When Red cried, or needed something, she said I knew exactly what I was doing (I’m glad it looked that way!). I’m not sure if she said this while on the phone, or to someone in the same room, but I heard it. I’m not sure I was supposed to (but you know those new mother ears that hear EVERYTHING? It’s a real thing!), but it made a real difference in my confidence. In fact, I’ve never forgotten it, and I’m not even sure I told Mom, but it was something I really needed. Those moments of incredible support from her, Dad and Chase were so meaningful in that early part of my hormonal, emotional, no-sleep, motherhood.
I hope that when I meet a new mother, or a parent that is learning the current stage of their child (because we all know as soon as we’re on top of the routine, it changes!), that I’m as supportive as my family has been. Because moms need support. (Dads, too!) Did you feel supported as a new mom? Was there one person who said something to you or showed you that you were doing the best you could, making the right choices for your family? I’d love to hear your stories of support!
New moms need all of the praise and positive words for sure!
Oh, man. This is my whole thing. YES, new moms need support only slightly less than they need oxygen. The greatest encouragement to me has always been a very simple – “you’re doing a good job, mama.” With only one of my close friends also being a mom at that time, I longed for a community I could lean on and learn from – it is essential.
Yes!! I was fortunate to have a friend who had a two year old when Beau was born – but our other friends after us have been grateful that we went first! Even baking up #2 can be a little daunting. π I hope you find yourself still building that community you can count on! And that we can be in it together.
I remember when the doctor placed my daughter in my arms for the first time. I cried so hard I couldn’t even see her. I was completely overwhelmed in that moment, it took some time for me to get it together. My sister-in-law was an amazing help. She already had three small kids and was a pro by the time I had my first. My Mom came to stay for a few weeks too and she really took care or me. After my the birth of my next baby I joined a mom’s group (I’m still in it) and they have been incredibly supportive.
I love that your little tribe pulled together for you like that. My brother lives too far away to come over, but my Mom and my Nana were there instantly! I love that your Moms group is still a supportive place for you. I’ve actually found so much more of a tribe/niche with the blog girls! π Grateful for ya’ll!
I remember my mom being there as a sounding board when I had my daughter. She was so supportive. I was so glad to have her. She is still my sounding board.
Here’s to that! My mom is still my best friend. Like normal people, we don’t always see eye to eye, but the ability to talk about it and see each other’s sides and ideas is so valuable!
My mother was the most amazing, supportive person after both my boys were born. She always got us out of the house immediately and was there for me without doing everything for me so I was confident by the time she left. It was exactly what I needed. She fed me and cleaned my house and did our laundry so all I had to do was take care of my baby. So physically and emotionally supportive. That lady is amazing!!!
That is so awesome! My mom said she’s going to come and visit when #2 arrives… with Red running around the house and Chase working his booty off, I’ll need the extra help for a while, and I wouldn’t mind her casseroles, either!!
My mom was the force behind making sure I was successful at nursing my first baby. It was such a struggle, but we nursed on for 2 1/2 years. Due to my weird pelvis, I’ve had to have 3 c/s and my mom has been there every single time to care for me and the older kids, and drive us everywhere I needed to go until I could take care of everyone again. I don’t know what I’d do without her.
What great thoughts. All Moms need support. They usually know what is best for their child.
My sister and I were just talking about this at dinner last night–about how much new parents need all of the support and help they can get. I was an idiot (I blame the c-section meds) and basically told everyone I was great and didn’t need any help after my husband went back to work 3 weeks postpartum. What was I thinking!?! I made things SO much harder on myself because I pushed everyone away–I was too stubborn. If we ever have another child, I know what I’ll do differently! π
OMG did I ever need support as a new mom. Even as a “seasoned” mom I sometimes still need it. Being a mom is hard and when you’re brand new at it, it is beyond terrifying. I don’t know what I would have done if my mom hadn’t come out to help for 3 weeks with each of my babies. I don’t know how she did it without help.
I still need it, too! There are so many moms out there that don’t get the help they need. When I became a mom, I knew that after delivery or adoption, I would be sure to offer support to my friends. Dinners, errands, even cleaning, if that’s what they needed!
It is nice to have a support team or friend. My husband and I had each other and we guessed a bit but in the end we became pro’s.
We learned by doing, too! But I’ll tell ya, that extra set of hands in the beginning was gold for me!
When my son was five or six weeks old I called the nurse line at our pediatrician’s office for the millionth time with a question about who knows what. Just as we were about to hang up the nurse said, “You’re doing a really great job” and I barely eeked out, “Thanks, bye” before bursting in to tears. Having that validation from an “outsider” (i.e., non-family member/friend) meant the world to me. I still get teary eyed when I think about that call two and a half years later.
I love that story! I hope the nurse knows how much that meant to you, and that you got the moral support you needed right in that moment π And thank goodness for nurse lines! π
I totally agree, I felt super alone when I was a new mom.
I’m so sorry you felt so alone. It’s important we find our network, even if it’s after our babies are born!
You are SO right, new moms, any moms, need all the support they can get! I had a background similar to yours and was not as confident as I thought I’d be after my first little bit came home. I made it through with the Lord and my friends and family. PS: I love that you’re wearing pearls with your hospital gown! π
haha, thanks! They were a present that day from my husband, and I love them!
I was aways in awe of how well you adapted to motherhood! I can’t wait to meet baby #2!
Aw, thanks, man! I almost ready for her, too!! π
I found out I was pregnant with my first child when I was young (20). I was all set to head into the Air Force and my whole world changed before I knew it. I freaked out, over -educated myself at first but my family calmed me down and helped out so much. I’m thankful for that because I’m sure my son would be floating around in a bubble if I didn’t have them there to help me chill out. I think every mom should have her ‘people or person’- we can never have too much help.
oh wow! I’m so glad your family was there for you. I didn’t know you were headed to serve our country – thank you!
Amazing to have all that female support. I don’t know what I would have done without my hubby by my side and Google, haha! Congrats on the new addition! #laceyslegacy
All of my closest friends started having kids right out of high school. Now those kids are heading off in to college. (yikes!) I remember just being there for them. Helped them while they napped. Dishes. Laundry. Picking up the house. It was wonderful to know that my small acts helped them such a great deal.
I truly love seeing moms come together to help each other. I also love when our non-mom friends can see that we are still human, and we can still “hang out”, it’s just a bit different sometimes. It’s so important to have people around you who support you, love you, and want you to be happy.
You are soo right about this. It’s always helpful to have an extra hand or two when you’re trying to juggle a baby.
Being a new mom is so hard. There are so many things to try and figure out. Support is essentail!
Yes! New moms needs lots of friends and support in those early days. No judgment, just help and love!
Learning curve is an understatement…….those first few days were a total shock to the system! New mommies need all the support they can get!
I remember needing my Gram to help me a lot during the first mom moments, she breastfed like I did so she was better able to support and help me as a new mom than my own Mom as my Mom had me at 15 and well is a decent Mom but not so into the mom thing. All new moms need support, honestly all moms do. Positive words and praise can totally help us during our first mommy moments!
I remember crying because I thought that being a mom was going to come so naturally. I had no idea how much I would be needed and how little time I would have to do anything at first. I’m so thankful for the family and friends I had nearby. I couldn’t imagine not having support. This is a great idea!