Do you ask a lady, “When are you due?” I know better than to ask someone I don’t know! I’m not sure when I learned this vital lesson, but it might have been second-hand, through other people’s mistakes. I had family members, friends and even coworkers have their feelings terribly hurt by people asking them, “Oh, congratulations… when are you due?” when they weren’t even pregnant. Be it a blouse-y shirt, a person carrying their weight differently than you, or another medical issue altogether, sometimes people look at someone and just assume they are pregnant. This is a terrible mistake.
I do know some people in college that asked this question, only to be terribly embarrassed and learn their lesson right away. But what about all the other people in the world that go around patting bellies with no babies in them, or asking people they’ve known for years about their due dates?? What gives, people? I was taught that unless someone tells you they are pregnant, or there is a baby falling out of them, you never ask when someone is due. Ever.
At a big expo this weekend, meant for expecting and new parents of all children (adopted and birthed), I was very pregnant (29 weeks) and fit in with the crowd. But I had someone ask me if it was one or two… which may as well have been the question, “Are you fat, or are there twins in there?” And it made me feel like this, instead of the hopefully glowing, parasite-filled specimen that I am.:
My sweet husband tells me not to worry about it; that I’m obviously pregnant at this point – fairly the same body shape excepting that I look like I swallowed a watermelon. But people at the grocery ask, “Is it a boy, or a girl?” “Is this your first baby?” and of course, the classic, “When are you due?” While I want to relish the pregnancy, every time I hear one of these questions, which is getting more and more frequent, I wonder what if I said I was just fat?, what would they say? What about all those women out there that are asked, and they aren’t expecting?
Maybe I’m just musing, or being a little pessimistic about the situation, but I keep thinking about it. Have you ever asked a woman when they are due, and they weren’t? Or maybe you were asked yourself? How do/would you feel about being pregnant and being asked?
I was asked that when I wasn’t pregnant once. I remember it well and I am pretty sure the lady was mortified for having asked me and then finding out that I wasn’t. I almost feel bad for her looking back. It happened when I was shopping at a local consignment store. I was not overweight and although I may have been a bit heavier than I am now, I was nowhere close to looking pregnant enough to warrant a question like that. Maybe I was wearing a baggy shirt. I don’t remember. Maybe it was the way I was standing or maybe I had a “food baby.” Who knows!?! Oh, and once my ex-husband asked me if I was pregnant (while he was my ex…not while we were still married). He doesn’t count as a stranger, though he is strange. Lol. I think he was just trying to get under my skin. Silly man…
Oh, and you look fabulous by the way! You have a beautiful smile!
I remember working with a girl once and she was wearing overalls. A sweet older lady came over and asked her when she was due and she wasn’t pregnant at all. Apparently only pregnant women wore overalls back in the day LOL. They were both horrified.
I don’t ask and if someone asked me.. I’d try and joke about it with them and then know I needed to suck in better or start eating less!
I never ask. I had someone ask me when I was due once, and I’d just delivered. I was young and mortified. 😉
I hate the comments and questions that come with pregnancy. “You look like you’re about to pop!” yes, that’s how babies are born…the skin bursts open and a baby pops out.
OMG, I totally did that. I once asked a woman when she was due, and she told me she wasn’t. The look she gave me should have disintegrated me on the spot. I was so embarrassed!
I don’t think I have ever asked anyone that. I didn’t mind people that asked me when I was due. I just didn’t like the people that would come up and try to touch my belly.
When I was in my twenties I asked a woman that I didn’t know well if she was pregnant…she wasn’t. That was the last time I said anything so foolish…I hope. It wasn’t cool.
I would be so embarrassed if I asked that and they weren’t pregnant. Awkward! I don’t think I’ve ever asked a stranger about their pregnancy.
I don’t anymore! I asked a woman once if she was pregnant, and she wasn’t. I wanted to go crawl into a hole and die.
I never ask if anyone is pregnant. I would just die if they weren’t, and I can’t imagine how bad THEY would feel!
The only time I ever asked was when I too was expecting. Usually at the doctors or ultrasound office. It was normal but never just randomly!
I was asked when I was pregnant. I think we are just very sensitive when we are pregnant and have to learn that people are excited for us and what to share in the excitement. They just don’t know what to say.
I’d much rather be asked that then have someone touch my belly! That was the worst, random strangers groping me
Sometimes I think people ask because they are genuinely curious and not really thinking about how the comment might make someone feel. The worst thing ever is to just be plus sized and have people ask when you are due. It happens to me and its crushing. Especially since I can’t have kids.
I learned my lesson to never assume someone was pregnant. I have been asked myself when my baby was due. My answer at the time was twelve years ago. The look on the lady’s face was priceless.
I would never ever ask. You just never know and the downside of the embarrassment would just be too much to recover from!
I personally wouldn’t get annoyed or insulted if someone asked me that question, provided that they know me and know that I am actually pregnant. I think it is usually easy to distinguish between a pregnant woman and a woman with a little extra weight.
Nope! Never! I was always really big early on in my pregnancy and hated that question!
I was asked if I was pregnant a week after I had miscarried twins and then I was asked when my baby was due 6months after having my son. It’s never appropriate or okay to assume or ask. Both times were very hurtful for different reasons.
I do not ask any of those questions at all. If I saw somebody breastfeeding a baby or if i saw someone carrying a baby I would just say good job congratulations or she aced it by making a lovely baby. And I would say I seen people do worse things than asking someone if when she is due.