This is not the first time I’ve written about parental judgement. Maybe it’s that as I’m bringing my second little one into the world I’m seeing it more, or that it’s more topical to me now than it was a few months ago. Regardless of the stage of parenting that you’re in, I’m sure you’ve experienced judgement for your choices, even if it came from your own convictions. Sometimes, it’s really hard to deal with (especially when it comes from complete strangers… or people you just can’t talk to!) I myself have judged inside my brain, although I’d NEVER let it come out without my opinion being asked. Because it’s not my beeswax.
But when that judgement is being passed, do we stop and think about why those choices are being made? Did that mom not sleep last night and is picking her battles instead of fighting her toddler not to wear galoshes in midsummer? Did that Dad who brought his infant to the grocery store in only a diaper JUST get thrown up on in the car with no extra clothes to be had? We don’t know… so we need to stop. Sometimes, parent’s choices come from different backgrounds or preferences. We’re not bad mothers because we bottle or breast feed. We’re not separatists because we do or do not baby wear. Maybe we need to walk in another’s shoes and try something new.
I promise to do just that. So far, since Scarlett has been born, I’ve strolled, baby-worn, and nursed her in public. I’ve dressed her traditionally, in the modern style, and even in an antique diaper shirt and socks. I’ve also gotten all kinds of direct criticism, advice, and praise from strangers – and she’s only 3.5 weeks old!! In the following weeks I’ll be back to work, started pumping, and have our first babysitter for Scarlett. It’s a lot to take in and try out. I’ll do my best not to form an opinion until I’ve tried it – it’s the least I can do.
Even Hilary and Haylie Duff (whom you might remember from TV!) are speaking out, saying they believe we should end the “mommy wars” and putting judgement on others as well as ourselves. The #SisterhoodUnite gang was at Mom2.0 this year, capturing parents revealing real-life anecdotes and opinions from selected parents (I saw some Georgia bloggers in there!!). Check out the “Real Parents, Real Judgement” video featured on their YouTube page:
So what will you do to help end the mommy wars and release yourself?
I think if all of us did one very important thing, the mommy wars would be over. Realize the we’re all different, and we all have different approaches. Problem solved.
Oh the criticism….did they tell you to put a hat and socks on her? Because, you know, it’s only 90 outside! We used to get that a lot!
You are doing great!
Mommyhood is so difficult and the most important job in the world, so I wish we could all be allies instead of enemies. Mommy Wars need to end.
Being a parent is difficult enough without the outside distractions! I noticed a Type A conference parent in the video!
Hear, hear! I saw two GA bloggers – super proud of them!
Amen!!!!you said it great! Go girl! 🙂
I agree that there should be less judgment. We are all different so we all need to make different choices for our families.
The Mommy Wars are so annoying. I think that social media and the regular media make it worse by stirring the pot.
Agreed – you should be free to parent the way YOU want to. They are YOUR kids 🙂
I think everyone judges everyone for everything. It is just unfortunate that with kids people can’t keep their judgments to themselves.
Being a mom is a hard a job. It would be nice if everyone just helped and support each other.
It’s crazy how much judgment is out there. This is a really good message to think about!
I totally agree. We all parent differently and I never got why people think moms have to parent the same. We all have different approaches. Let’s all stop judging.
To me, mommy wars is so defeating and ridiculous. When you are a mom, you need all the support you can get. Support, not tear down your mommy allies.
We are already SO hard on ourselves anyways, with that mommy guilt! I try to smile at moms at the grocery store. They always smile right back, that ‘knowing’ smile!
I have never understood why anyone has to pick apart anothers decisions. Seems silly.
I am constantly hearing moms tell other moms how to parent and take care of their children! You are doing a wonderful job, keep up the good work!
All three of my kids were different, and I did things differently for each of them. I did what was best for them and me at the time. I just don’t get how people think we are all supposed to parent the same, when I can’t even be the same parent each time.
It’s great to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. You know what else works? Not stressing about other people’s decisions. Unless a baby is in danger, I’m not going to judge.
Moms need to take care of each other! We should know how difficult being a mom is and cut each other some slack!
Judging is something that happens in all age groups it seems. That is one thing I try to teach our kids…. try really hard not to judge. It doesn’t do any good.
It is hard enough to be a new Mom. We do not need to be put down for our choices. We should be helping to support each other.
Mommy Wars have been going on for thousands of years. There are so many different opinions, attitudes, and “guidelines” for every walk of life and it’s easy to tromp on comfort zones. Articles like this help ease judgment.
Great advice – I’m just going to stay out of this one though 🙂
I do not have children but quite frankly even if I did, this is one war I would not get sucked into. Life is way too short to be feeding those drama llamas! INMHO, even if you have walked that mile you still shouldn’t judge anybody! We are all doing the best we can with what we got!
Mommy wars are so ridiculous. Most people think so too, so I’m not sure why they’re still going on so readily.
Extremely moving piece, I definitely think we need to be more motivating for other moms instead of tearing each other down. Great reminders
thank you!
I can’t stand it when other mothers are critical of each other (or me). I try my best not to be critical of others and hope that by starting there, it will be a step in the right direction.
It’s ok to step out of the box and try new things. What works for you may not work for everyone else so you can’t be afraid to experiment.