I am honored to be continuing my sponsored relationship with Similac in order to foster parental support and help to #endmommywars. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
It’s really hard to understand what it’s like to parent a child before you actually become a parent. I remember what it was like in college, grad school, and even as a young professional to see a mom (or dad) making a parenting choice that I didn’t agree with. Fortunately, I never had the urge to speak on it, but silently thought about it in my head. Being that I’m the world’s WORST liar, I most likely made a face or two and didn’t realize it (which may or may not have been just as bad as speaking out!).
Now that I’m a parent of two, I’m noticing more and more advice coming my way; the most recent rounds are from complete strangers who don’t even have children! Now, I’m not saying that one person or another doesn’t know what they are talking about, but there is a distinct difference in having been through something and only having read about it. That’s why I find it so frustrating when people who have never been caretakers tell me “Oh, don’t do that to your child, they will X instead of Y or Z!” It happened to me just last week!!!
But, having been through this rodeo at least once before, I have a tendency to know what works for my parenting style. If I’m going to give my baby a pacifier, use a blankie, bottle or breastfeed, baby-wear or even let them pick out their own outfit for the day, I don’t think it’s any of a stranger’s beeswax. If she/he isn’t in danger, we’re doing what works for us.
So what do I do now when I hear a comment like this? I give a small smile, quickly collect myself, and give a reason why it’s working for me. I don’t attack, I don’t stalk away, I politely say, “Thank you, but this is working for us, so I’m carrying on.”
It’s taken a lot for me to stand up for myself. I used to just cave and change what I was doing in the moment. To appease whomever was commenting in a weak effort to “fit in” to the parenting world. I felt bullied, even though I was the one caving. No more! 🙂 I’m confident in my parenting style, and though I may meet my challenges with each milestone, I’m taking it one day at a time.
So how about you? What unwanted parenting advice have you gotten lately? Was it from a fellow parent or someone who doesn’t yet have (or want) children? Continue the conversation with other parents and Similac to help #EndMommyWars.
Catch up with Similac on Facebook and YouTube or hit up the SoM page for more support for Parents. We’re all in this together! I am incredibly proud to be a Partner of the Sisterhood of Motherhood with Similac, and they generously sponsored my discussion starter. The Sisterhood of Motherhood believes it’s time to embrace parents who choose to embrace parenthood, because no two of us are the same, and we’re all in this together. We need to nourish each other the same way we nourish our kids. The Sisterhood (all of us!) is there to help you get through the first few days and months of motherhood with confidence — and zero judgment. And I firmly believe that’s way it should be.
Robin Rue (@massholemommy) says
I seriously don’t get why people are so judgy sometimes. We are all just trying to do our best.
Stacie @ Divine Lifestyle says
I can’t stand it when people tell me how to parent. I’m not telling them how to raise their kids. Why do they think they can tell me how?
Lisa Joy Thompson says
As a mom of 4, I’ve had to learn to let things roll of my back and not get bent out of shape when everyone offers their unsolicited opinions. Each child is different, each family is different, and as moms, we typically know what works best for our families!
MJ L . says
People are always so quick to Judge. I wish some would understand we all parent differently!
Pam says
It can be so hard to be a parent sometimes. It seems like everyone has a conflicting opinion about what you should or shouldn’t be doing.
Liz Mays says
It really catches you off guard when people say things like that. I always just did the classic smile and nod.
Theresa says
I think you’ve found a classy way to handle rude comments. We are all doing our best and that should be enough for others.
Chasing Joy says
I am not yet a parent. Hopefully I have not made to many disappoving faces over the years.
Crystal says
Being comfortable in your parenting comes with time. It’s okay to do what feels right, even if good-meaning friends and family (or worse, strangers) tell you otherwise.
Ann Bacciaglia says
I understand exactly what you’re saying ! One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone tries to tell me how to parent my children. Whenever someone criticizes my parenting I just try to act respectful and not let it get to me.
Tracy @ Ascending Butterfly says
I don’t have children so I don’t get this whole mommy wars thing personally, but I am a former special education teacher and handling 40 special needs kids on a daily basis certainly helped me to empathize!
Chrystal | Nevermore Lane says
I used to take parenting advice extremely personal in the beginning. After a while I learned to just ignore it and continue on my way. I will never understand why people are so judgmental.
Kelly Hutchinson says
My husband and I were just talking about this. So many people want to shove their advice down your throat. No thanks. I am following my gut!
Raijean says
Now that’s funny! People give unwanted advice all of the time. It’s so funny because what works for you may not work fo someone else.
Toni | BoulderLocavore says
I think much of the advice people give parents is them telling their own story. It’s often not about your or your child at all! I remember when my second child was going into Kindergarten and was going to do half days as my eldest had. Several moms told me ‘oh you won’t want to make multiple trips as day to get him if he doesn’t do after care’. My feeling was it was the last time I’d have time with him for a half day before he started school full time. In May of that year the conversations with the moms popped to mind. I’d taken up to 5 trips a day to the school sometimes and never cared. I just valued the time with my son. I was clear their ‘advice’ was really about what THEY wouldn’t want to do, not what was good for me!
Kiwi says
I am not a mom yet Lindsey but I know horror stories of people telling my friends with kids what to do (especially older women). I am happy you are confident in your own mothering skills to not listening to everyones opinion!
Redhead Baby Mama says
🙂 Thanks, girl! You know, I’m getting MORE advice than with my first!
Shannon Gurnee says
I can’t stand it when you get advice from people who aren’t even parents! I thought I knew everything about parenting until I had my own kids. Ha ha – then I found out there was a lot I didn’t know!