Today’s post is brought to you by my loving husband… whom I left at home with Red over the long weekend as I sunk my teeth into my favorite blogging conference in downtown Atlanta. Hubs made sure to keep himself and Red entertained with food, fun, and maybe a little mischief mixed in. Thank you for sharing your creativity, Chase. I love you lots!
It’s easy to get comfortable when you have a lovely wife who takes care of all her boys as well as my wife does, so when she disappears for 3 days it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Here’s an easy guide to anyone who’s facing the same dilemma I did this past weekend with the Type A Conference taking my permanent roommate away…
It’s easy to get comfortable when you have a lovely wife who takes care of all her boys as well as my wife does, so when she disappears for 3 days it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Here’s an easy guide to anyone who’s facing the same dilemma I did this past weekend with the Type A Conference taking my permanent roommate away…
#1 – Torture Your Spouse
We’re going to come back to this one a lot, so it’s the first thing to keep in mind. In everything you do, make her realize that her life should revolve around you and your offspring. How dare she have a life of her own and abandon you for more than a couple of hours?! Send her messages telling her how miserable you both are since she’s gone; really pull on the heart strings so you can maximize the guilt. Bonus points for creativity! I tried to FaceTime Lindsey, but when that didn’t work I sent her the video below – I’m sure you can tell it did the trick.
#2 – Break ALL the Rules
Forget the normal time your son gets picked up from school, eats his meals, or goes to bed. Matching clothes? Not my forte. Remember that you’re in charge now, time to flex your muscles (that’s what they’re there for). So what if Red isn’t normally allowed to sleep all night in our bed? Who’s there to stop me?Thursday through Saturday night the men of the house slept in the “big bed” and it was glorious. Make sure the whole time your spouse knows you’re defying her to reinforce #1.
#3 – Don’t Cook
I can cook, but Red is pickier than me and I don’t want to fight with a 3 year old. Plus I love going out to breakfast. If she’s going to wine and dine at a conference and such we should at least be able treat ourselves, right? It’s also one of the rare chances to avoid having this endless conversation when deciding where to go to eat.
PS – Make sure it’s stuff she would like or be jealous over too and you can combine this with #1!
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| Waffle House Saturday Morning |
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| Red Eye Mule Sunday Morning |
#4 – Play “Find that Smell”
When we came back from our first breakfast out I noticed a not so pleasant but hard to pin point smell in the house. It was Saturday so I had no work and since UGA lost the week prior the TV was off, so I quickly became obsessed with finding and eliminating this smell. I imagine any household that loses their wife will go through this after 24-48 hrs. Best remedy is to open a window and a door on opposite sides of the house go one by one and clean everything that could smell. Sure, the house will be clean and your spouse will appreciate that, but remember the real goal here is the hunt. Bonus points if you can keep the smell gone until she gets back.
#5 – Get Out Of The House
If she’s going to have fun then you should too! Make sure to send tons of pictures to her so she knows she’s not the only one having a good time. First we went to Target to get a “prize” – two new Ninja Turtle toys in prep for our night time activity!
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| That night the Center for Puppetry Arts was showing the ORIGINAL Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie from ’91 so we dressed up and went. I didn’t realize how much of the movie I’d forgotten but we both had a blast (they served pizza and beer beforehand so we both won) |
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| 1000x better than the new Michael Bay blasphemy |
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| We have matching shirts: his is modern, mine is retro |
On Sunday we went to the Georgia Aquarium for some aquatic fun and it did not disappoint. Tons of fun just the two of us and we got there early enough to bypass some of the crowd (doesn’t hurt having season passes either – WAY worth the $$$).
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| We’re gonna have to take diving lessons and do this one day I imagine |
Remember throughout all of your adventures around town make sure to keep sending photos and videos to your spouse so she sees how much fun she’s missing. Even if your kid is having a bad day stage some photos so give that illusion – gotta keep reinforcing #1.
If you’ve kept up with these with #1 in mind then here’s what you do to top it all off:
#6 – Get a Face Tattoo (or other extreme/alarming action)
You don’t have to get it on yourself – in fact for the best impact make sure whatever you do is done to your offspring, it’s bound to illicit a bigger/better reaction. We went for the less permanent route at the Aquarium, but I’m not going to tell you how to raise your kid – just use your best judgement.
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| Better than Mike Tyson any day |
#7 – Plant A Kiss On Her The Moment When She Gets Home
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| Do it dressed like this and she’ll swoon |
After all the torture you’ve put her through you need to act quickly when you see her. She legally can’t stay angry with you after you’ve shared a kiss so just mob her when she gets in the door and before she opens her mouth (legal citation needed). If you do this successfully you’ll avoid the tongue lashing and she can start filling you in on her weekend (ie. you can zone out to football for a few hours while nodding your head).
Note: I DIDN’T kiss her as soon as she walked in, but somehow I overestimated the negative impact of my actions – she thought they were cute and harmless so I received no ire. Need to remember to step up my game next time…
#8 – Spend the Next Year Prepping for Next Conference
If you’ve followed in my footsteps then you’ve probably realized 2 things: 1) How much your wife loves you, and 2) you need to top yourself next year. Luckily you have a year to plan since Type A Conference isn’t until October 9th-11th 2015.
My challenge to you is to one-up what I did here.
Should you accept you’ll need to hijack your spouse’s blog (as I’ve done here) and post what you did in similar fashion. Your reward will be the cheers and admiration from your fellow spouses-of-bloggers. After all – there’s no reason they should have all the fun, right??
Awesome, just awesome.
Holy Mary, mother of cuteness! Y’all are all just adorable. Like, put you in my pocket and sneak a peak at you when I feel like it, adorable. 😉
This is so awesome! I love that he did this….what a supportive husband.
I have yet to go to the GA Aquarium it just seems so costly but I will have to make it there one day. Yay for a supportive husband
Great blog! Been there many times but never put it to words. Loved it and love your family.
Awesome!! Way to go Chase. You get cool points for not only your creativity, but for being a fun-loving and supportive hubby. You two make a dynamite team. What a lucky little boy Red is to have you two cool kids as his ‘rents!
This was too awesome! It is great Paris how much of a trooper your husband is. Also, it was great finally meeting at the conference!
I love this post!!!!
LOL… this is the most bad a** post of the day. Gotta love when dad is in charge. LOL
It really is never boring. We are as goofy as they come, and we’re both Type-A AND creative… I wonder what Red will grow up to be 🙂
Thanks! Yes, let them get into a little mischief while you’re gone. And make sure they take tons of photos! What conference are you headed to?
Thanks! 🙂 I LOVED that he wrote this and gave it to me last night. SO awesome.
Thank you so much for reading it! <3
You, too, Lou! I was so happy to meet you and put a name to the face! What are you headed to next?
Thanks for reading, Jeannie! I really appreciate it! 🙂
Aw, thanks Steve!!!! You’re so awesome.
Right?! And they really sent it… way to pull on the heartstrings on the FIRST night!
It’s not cheap the first time, but we’ve already been 4 times as a family and twice alone with Red since June. We paid for our passes quite a few visits ago!
Thank you so much. Hubs is pretty awesome!
Thanks so much for reading and leaving a comment. I really appreciate it!
BRILLIANT! This made me laugh out loud:) Such a fun post.
I’m so glad you guys liked the post! It won’t happen a lot but next time the funny juices are flowing I’ll try and hijack again =)
Fabulous. And I’m not showing this to my hubs. Let’s not get any blog-hijacking ideas, here!
I’ll be heading to The Rock Ranch this coming Saturday.
I absolutely loved this. it was too cute and hilarious. Sounds like your husband and Red had a fun filled weekend.
Completely adorable!
Hah!! Love it! And omg, that video of Red was just adorable.
Cracking up. Love this!! Somehow Type-A was the first time my husband and son (who’s 5!) have ever been overnight alone without me much less for an entire weekend. I think a few of these things definitely occurred per some photos I was shown after. Overall, they survived, had a great time and I came back full & recharged from the weekend away. A win all around.